I am not sure my head is wrapping around this just yet but it has been 3 months since I have had an episode. I only had one attempt after Christmas and maybe a handle full of times feeling nauseated. I genuinely haven’t felt this normal is a long time. I think the last span of time that I had a break, it may have lasted a month. This time though, it has me feeling like a new person and planning for the future of this year. I am excited y’all.
Yet I hate to say at the same time, we have got to keep working on the mental health side of it all. I started noticing that I have been having struggles that I have always said “oh its because of cyclical vomiting” and now I am realizing that it may not be that at all. It turns out when you have 3 months of no issues, you uncover a lot of what isn’t actually related to your chronic illness. So it turns out I still love to pass out randomly and have tremor/spasms randomly.
Both of these issues we have already brought up to my PCP that I am struggling with and she has it on record but we all truly thought the passing out was cyclical vomiting related. The tremors/spasms we thought were lack of magnesium in my diet. So I upped that right away and I even researched the best types to use. Ive been taking it daily and still it hasn’t stopped the tremors. So seeing as we have actually tried to heal these issues and have had no luck, we are going to go back to the PCP to see what she thinks.
One thing we don’t talk much about is the fact that I struggled a lot when trying to bring Bentley into this world. It got to the point where my lungs filled up with fluid and started to take a toll on my heart. Well to be honest with that traumatic event and the passing of my father shortly after, we didn’t focus on my health. It looks like that may be coming back to bite me in the butt. Jeremy and I have a feeling that these issues may be related to my heart but we wont fully know until the middle of March. We have been doing a lot of research and have found a diagnosis we think will end up being what the doctors find but in the mean time, we are gathering all the information we can. I essentially want to be able to go into the appointment and say “these people on my medical team say it has nothing to do with their field of expertise.” This way we can take out a lot of the guess work and narrow down the possibilities beforehand. Also then I may not have to go for too many tests. That would be nice too!
I will say I am a tad bit nervous that this may take a decent chunk of time to diagnose. I know thats normal but I am genuinely afraid I will spend all of this time doing tests to only hear someone say “its in your head.” Or “I can’t figure out what’s wrong.” The typical blown off response. So while I am downright excited for this 3 month break of my chronic illness, I am learning that I have more issues ahead of me.
I am not sure you realize how much mental strength you need until you get diagnosed with an incurable disorder. Then have it flare up all the time. You’ll learn real fast how much your body can’t handle it all some days. So we are going to continue to enjoy the break that I have but I am also going to start doing what makes me happy. It’s time to keep those mental games charged and ready for the next fight. Who knows, maybe the next fight will just be going to the doctors! I would gladly take that!