Grief comes in many different forms and in many different waves. You don’t know when it will spike or when the waves will crash. But they do. Usually at the worst times we can think of. Or shoot even in those times when we really feel like life is finally going in the way we want. Then it sneaks in and causes havoc on everything we feel is good. It may not destroy the good but it surely can dim the light that the good brought to our lives. We may not be as happy as we were when the happy happened and then look back and wish we were happier at the time but grief came through and said no.
This week grief came in the form of loosing our dog. Kaia, was the dog that loved everyone. She didn’t meet a stranger. Whenever we had company come over she would make sure to get all of the pets that she could manage. Ya know she didn’t get enough from her family at all. Kaia would always howl when fire trucks or the police went by with their sirens blaring. She made sure to tell us just what she thought on that topic. She came on all of our trips as a family, gave cuddles every morning, cried happiness when we came home from errands, talked your ear off when she played, enjoyed doing her hair with mom and rarely gave kisses, meaning when she gave them you knew exactly that she was telling you that she loved you. Kisses were her way to tell her that her most intense feelings of happiness were happening at that moment and for you. Not many people got those. Shoot as her mom I can say in the 2 years of having her part of the family, she gave me at most 20 kisses total.
Tuesday she declined in health so fast. We had to call her previous owner to come say their good-byes because we were scared she wasn’t going to make it through the night. She declined that much in one night. But she made it through the night and in the morning you could see she was still in pain and struggling. The decision was made and surrounded by her previous owner, Jeremy and myself, we laid Kaia to rest.
Grief showed its face ever since Tuesday when she started to get worse. Yea its normal to loose a pet, everyone that has a pet experiences that at some point. But this grief became stronger as we are only 2 weeks away from the anniversary of loosing my father. The anniversary of Bentley and I almost not making it out of the pregnancy alive and a difficult birthing experience. All of this complies at once and it can wreck a soul. Ive been feeling the grief way more than I had expected. Ive been tearing up multiple times a day and fighting to do things to help this struggle. My house looks wonderful as I typically turn to cleaning in times like this. She may have been a dog but she was definitely part of the family.
All of this to be said because grief comes in waves. It always will. You will have moments when you do amazing and feel alive but then grief comes in and knocks you back. Push through. It’s going to be tough, it really is, but I promise the other side of it will be better. Take the time to feel the feels but don’t let the grief take over to the point that in 1 months time you start to have regrets. Speaking as someone that has lost a father and son, I know my family would absolutely be devastated if they saw that I didn’t get back up. If I stopped right where the pain put me and never moved, it would destroy them. I feel my grief, I ride the waves, but I make sure to get back up. Find someone to talk to. Have a support system and lean on them. It’s better when you go at this with a team. I am blessed with a husband that continues to be that person for me and my kids.
The loss of such a beautiful furry four legged dog child has reminded me that it’s time to say grief is a sucker punch. It sucks. But know that you are not alone. Keep fighting through the waves but know its ok to rest when needed!